Genre: MG Fantasy
Word Count: 28,000
Tom, the classroom hamster, wants to escape from the h-e double hockey sticks otherwise known as school. There he’s sentenced to never-ending show ‘n tell, math facts rap, and story time. But he’s learned a lot behind the bars of his cage. The giant in the dress thinks she is running the show, when the chatterbox pygmies are really in control. Playing house during activity time is no job for a tough guy. Somehow Tom has to get away before the pygmies dress him as Strawberry Shortcake again.
When a “subspatoot” fills in for the giant, Tom sees his chance to put Operation Escape the Pygmies into action. He makes a run for the border, hamster style. Bad news. The principal says Tom is a distraction to learning and better off flushed. The way out is turned into a battlefield of snapping mousetraps, sticky snares, and poisoned pellets. Tom seems doomed until a friendless pygmy named Squeezer lends an over-excited hand. Now, the greatest obstacle to his freedom may be Tom’s soft spot for this lonely pygmy.
PYGMY HAZARDS is a MG fantasy complete at 28,000 words. My epic fantasy, Blah Blah, is being released by Blah Publishing in March 2013. I’ve worked at an elementary school as a special needs assistant for over ten years, giving me lots of experience with pygmies.
Yes. I had to read to the end, loved the entire premise.
ReplyDeleteI love this premise and your query is very well-written. I love that you put so much humor in so few lines!!
ReplyDeleteBut as a pretend agent, I'm voting No only because I don't know how this could be pulled off as an MG. My impression is that this could be a good PB, but I wouldn't request pages because I don't know if my 6-year-old would want to follow the follies of a hamster for 28,000 words. This is totally only my impression, and what to h e double hockey sticks do I know!? Maybe moderator-guy will discount this vote... ?
No. Honestly, I think this is a pretty well-written query, I'm just not big on animals-as-MCs-stories. But, a few specifics. This sentence confused me "Playing house during activity time is no job for a tough guy." Is that referring to Tom as the tough guy? Or one of the kids?
ReplyDeleteI write YA so I'm certainly not a MG expert, but isn't 28k a bit short, even for a MG? Maybe some other MG writers could weigh in here...
Otherwise, I think you do a really nice job of showing voice in this query. You can tell just from this that the book is going to be funny.
No. I love your humor and style, but I'm not sure a middle grade reader would want to read about the antics of a hamster. I'd need something a little more compelling to make me want to take a closer look.
ReplyDeleteI think this is great query with great voice. Even as an adult, I'm eager to read this. YES from me.
ReplyDeleteYes. Excellent Voice and humorous. I’d read this and I don’t have a MG background. Big Thumbs Up.
ReplyDeleteCD Coffelt ponders at Spirit Called
And critiques at UnicornBell
You have a real cute voice, but I'm saying no for a couple of reasons: 1) It seems too young for MG, 2) There is too much shoved into a short amount of space.
ReplyDeleteThis one gets a yes. Fun premise, lots of voice.
ReplyDeleteThis is a reluctant no, only because even in MG, a protagonist needs to be active, even if they're an animal. A hamster who, based on this query, probably spends most of the novel in a cage observing the motivations of others is really passive. Unless there's a human child who facilitates his escape or some other device to show active POV, I can't see how a hamster for a protagonist can be engaging, no matter how funny.
ReplyDeleteYes, I love the idea, it sounds like a cute read and I'd want to pick it up. I did feel like it was missing a couple of words though: 'he's sentenced to A never-ending show n'tell" and 'The principle says Tom is a distraction to learning and IS better off flushed". Other than that, I really enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteThis was my very favorite query of all and the only one that I KNEW I would say yes to on the first read. The wordplay is adorable,perfect for MG, and it tells me that your book is hilarious. This is definitely a young MG, so the word count is just about right for early readers. If Garth Stein can write an adult novel from the perspective of a dog, you can certainly pull an MG novel off in the POV of a hamster. I adore the premise and the writing. Ready for that contract? :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, this is the cutest thing I've ever read. Congrats on 2nd place!
ReplyDeleteI want to thank everyone for taking the time to comment and help with my query.It's been nice to get so many great reactions. You've given me a lot to think about. It's been a really fun contest.
ReplyDelete