Title: An Absence of Light
Genre: NA light sci-fi
Word Count: 80k
Genre: NA light sci-fi
Word Count: 80k
A stolen BMW, blood on her hands, and otherworldly shadows only she can see. Leah can’t keep running; it’s time to fight back.
When the shadow creatures attack her family, Leah is forced to flee LA, praying the shadows, and the cops, don’t follow. Leah doesn’t know why she alone can see the creatures, or why they influence humans to commit rape, murder, and other dark acts. When she stumbles onto a small group of people who share her ability to detect them, she jumps at the chance to learn more, especially how to get rid of the vile things. The hot hunter, Adam, makes the opportunity even sweeter, even if he already has a girlfriend. Together the group pieces together that the shadows are not from this planet and their invasion is just beginning. If the creatures succeed in their plans, all of humanity will be at their mercy.
When Leah discovers she can communicate with the shadows, she learns of a rebel faction among the aliens. Some are trying to convince the shadows to return to their home world. In order to stop the invasion, Leah will have to face her fears of the shadows, but is there any way she can work with creatures bred in darkness?
AN ABSENCE OF LIGHT is an upper YA light Sci-Fi, complete at 80,000 words. My [two] novels [redacted], were released through MuseItUp Publishing. I can be found online at [redacted].
Yes, like the premise, and voice.
ReplyDeleteYES! Love this - it's short and to the point, very tightly written. You do a good job of creating tension and mystery in this. I'm not sure I love that first line - it reads more like a tagline to me, but I think the rest of it is just great.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the wierd formatting! I didn't know how to fix it :(
ReplyDeleteWhen you post it, click on the 'remove formatting' button, second from the right. *BG* Works every time.
Deleteer next time. Not now. Highlight words and hit remove formatting. Trying to do it now might delete the comments. maybe.
DeleteI was clicking the button over and over but nothing happened. I came back, saw that you said to highlight the words, and then read the rest. I think I'll keep it in mind for next time, then. Thank you so much though! This has really been bugging me.
DeleteThis is a very good query and the conflict is well laid out. It sounds very much like something I would read!
ReplyDeleteI've already cast my Yes votes, so this is a very unhelpful No based on the rules of the game... but truly, I don't think there's much to improve here.
Yes. Yes. And hell yes. Concise. Clear and intriguing. I want to know more.
ReplyDelete*rats. did I use up two 'yeses' on this one?*
CD Coffelt ponders at Spirit Called
And critiques at UnicornBell
Yes. The concept is interesting and you have a well-written query. That suggests to me that the author has a handle on her story and that will show in the novel as well.
ReplyDeleteThis one is a no.
ReplyDelete"A stolen BMW, blood on her hands, and otherworldly shadows only she can see. Leah can’t keep running; it’s time to fight back." There is a disconnect here between the first sentence and the second. At the first glance I had no idea what fighting at to do with the earlier part.
The storyline is too generic to really stand out. I've seen this premise done a lot. So the question is, what makes your version unique? Why should the reader care about Leah? She has a detection power, which is nice. The family being killed off will spur some initial sympathy, even if that, too, is generic. But I'm not seeing a cause here to get excited about.
Assuming you do have a unique twist on this premise, you need to show it in the query. It needs to stand out.
No, there were a lot of repetitive words and a lot going on, I got kind of lost in this query and sci-fi is not really my thing.
ReplyDeleteI would have to pass, but only because I liked two others a little more. This is a very cool premise, and almost there with the query with an excellent voice, etc. The only thing I am not seeing is who Leah really is. What sets her apart, aside from seeing shadows? Is she an MC I will root for? I can't really tell yet. Still, this is my #3 out of 7, so your query is definitely in the top echelon of what I've read.
ReplyDeleteYes! This Rocks!You did a great job showing what the story is about and what's at stake for Leah. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a very clear query. You've distilled the novel to focus on the important points with great skill. But you start with a sentence fragment, and I'm not sure how well that will go over with agents. Also there's nothing that really sticks out to me as new. From the third paragraph, it sounds like she has to talk the shadows around. Talking isn't exactly very exciting.
ReplyDeleteAlso I don't get much sense of Leah's personality. What is she like? A tomboy, a princess, a loner? I can't tell.
You could probably cut some small parts such as 'if the creatures succeed in their plans' and 'in order to stop the invasion' (both understood) and add more personality to Leah.