Why This Query Won (& Got an Agent)

YOU GUYS ARE GOOD! Really!!! I'll tell you why after I do the analysis on the query.

For those that don't know, I recently ran a query contest called "Become an Agent" and I posted the winners on Monday.

Below is the query that won, written by Sherry Ellis.

Nobody can actually dig a hole to China, right? That’s what Squirt thinks when little brother, Bubba, tries to tunnel through the Earth with his grandfather’s special shovel. But what starts as a simple hole becomes a vortex that carries Bubba and Squirt to the other side of the world – to Xi’an, China! There they face the ghost of China’s first emperor, Ch’in Shi Haung-ti, who insists they must find his missing burial pendant if they ever want to return home. With the help of some new Chinese friends, Bubba and Squirt learn about China and unravel the mystery of the pendant.

Bubba and Squirt’s story, BIG HOLE TO CHINA, is a 13,000 word chapter book which introduces young readers to the language, history, and culture of China. This book can stand alone, but I envision it as the beginning of a series in which Bubba and Squirt travel through the hole and experience different countries. I have outlined adventures in France, Belize, Italy, Egypt, and Russia. Each book will contain a recipe so that readers can have a “taste” of the country as well.

Awesome, right? Now, I'm going to do a query analysis (not a critique!) on why this query is so awesome. My comments are in bold.

Nobody can actually dig a hole to China, right? Yes, this is a rhetorical question. Yes, it is the 'hook' of the query. Yes, that is a HUGE no-no in query-world. But only one out of twelve commenters mentioned that it might be a problem. This use of a rhetorical question WORKS because it jives with the MG voice and is intriguing enough (and not a cliche) to function as a hook. That’s what Squirt thinks when little brother, Bubba, tries to tunnel through the Earth with his grandfather’s special shovel. Couldn't help but smile at this. Squirt? Bubba? Shovel through a planet with a 'special shovel'? AWESOME. Voice and quirks. Two great things to have in a MG manuscript and two things that should be reflected in the query. But what starts as a simple hole becomes a vortex that carries Bubba and Squirt to the other side of the world – to Xi’an, China! Exclamation point is great as it fits with the MG voice. And the spark to the plot (they went to China) is early on enough in the query to be interesting. There they face the ghost of China’s first emperor, Ch’in Shi Haung-ti, who insists they must find his missing burial pendant if they ever want to return home. Lost children? Of course we want them to return home! Emotional connection right there. With the help of some new Chinese friends, Bubba and Squirt learn about China and unravel the mystery of the pendant.

Bubba and Squirt’s story, BIG HOLE TO CHINA, is a 13,000 word chapter book which introduces young readers to the language, history, and culture of China. This book can stand alone, but I envision it as the beginning of a series in which Bubba and Squirt travel through the hole and experience different countries. I have outlined adventures in France, Belize, Italy, Egypt, and Russia. Each book will contain a recipe so that readers can have a “taste” of the country as well. This alone elevated this query to a whole new level. A series of these books? THAT IS AWESOME. And it can totally work. It gives insight into the breadth and scope of this book/series, and it definitely caught my attention.

For me, what made the query work so well was :

1. Its voice (#1 thing that makes a query shine, especially in kidlit).
2. The scope in the second paragraph (I can't get over how awesome that is).
3. The shortness of the query. The actual 'meat' or plot-explanation part (not the scope part) is a mere 102 words long. Yeah. That is incredible. Learn from this, guys (and me too). Don't try over-explaining your book. That is so easy to do and doesn't work. Short, simple, and enticing. The agent will get to know the rest of the plot once they are enticed by your tantalizing query. You should place voice and quirks on a higher pedestal than plot events that you really really really want (but don't need) in your query.

Learn from these three things (the scope part might not apply to you, however) and perfect your queries! (I need to do it too.)

Now, the big news!

Sherry Ellis, author of this query, has gotten representation for BIG HOLE TO CHINA with Owen Burnham (UK) and Anne Charles (USA) of L & C Agency. YES! This query got her representation! And it's a darn amazing query!

Also, I knew you guys were awesome. You picked an excellent winner. And excellent job, Sherry, for being such a good writer!

An interview with Sherry Ellis will be coming soon! Keep an eye on the blog for more contests, and the interview :D

Congrats, Sherry! And awesome query!